Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder. Votes: 38
When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!' Votes: 9
On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied. Votes: 8
Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife. Votes: 5
I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine. Votes: 3
You always nag the one you love Votes: 3
My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time. Votes: 3
The only place you're sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. Votes: 3
In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms. Votes: 3
I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight. Votes: 3
Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Votes: 2
My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf. Votes: 1
We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance. Votes: 0
I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing. Votes: 0
What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole? Votes: 0
The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray. Votes: 0