I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown." Votes: 10
I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love. Votes: 0
I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless. Votes: 0
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. Votes: 0
Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi. Votes: 0
Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks. Votes: 0
The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel. Votes: 0
I rant, therefore I am Votes: 0
I rant, therefore I am. Votes: 0
To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube. Votes: 0
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown. Votes: 0
It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis. Votes: 0
Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick. Votes: 0
Companionate Conservatism - Making the streets safer before people are kicked out onto them. Votes: 0
American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. Votes: 0
Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet! Votes: 0
Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island. Votes: 0
Listen, the weather is just like Hillary's explanation for her war vote: we just don't know, do we? Votes: 0
If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children! Votes: 0
I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!! Votes: 0
Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester. Votes: 0
I'd rather be funny than wise. Votes: 0
In the late twentieth century, staying sober has become just as much an addiction as getting wasted. Votes: 0
Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head. Votes: 0
How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching. Votes: 0