Tiger Woods is stupid; not for cheating, but for having one cell phone. What type of player you know has one cell phone? Votes: 15
Tiger Woods is a billionaire. Do you know how much ass you can get with a billion dollars? I know guys with $20 and a pack of Newports who'd try to screw your whole neighborhood. Votes: 14
The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong social skills, you can make a name for yourself and you can make money. Votes: 11
I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of the court system and a blood test. Votes: 10
If Elvis is alive, Tupac is alive. I saw Tupac on 46th Street selling Biggie t-shirts 2 for 10 dollars... Votes: 10
Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is that you can overcome anything son. Votes: 9
Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son. Votes: 6
The better alternative to fighting a guy, go have sex with his girlfriend. That's how you knock a dude out! Votes: 6
I had a dream this girl was cheating on me! I woke up and went back to sleep to find him, he kicked my ass in my dream! Votes: 5
Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last. Votes: 5
When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first. Votes: 4
Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would. Votes: 3
A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke! Votes: 2
That's why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, 'Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,' I tell them they don't need nothing. All you need is some great idea and go shoot it. Votes: 0