The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got to be good.
I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.
The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.
You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.
If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.
In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief.
Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.
I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.
Method acting? There are quite a few methods. Mine involves a lot of talent, a glass, and some cracked ice.
Busy yourselves with this, you damned walruses, while the rest of use proceed with the libretto.
My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.
I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.