Top quotes by Paullina Simons
Do you see the Field of Mars, where I walked next to my bride in her white wedding dress, with red sandals in her hands, when we were kids? âI see it well. âWe spent all our days afraid it was too good to be true, Tatiana, said Alexander. âWe were always afraid all we had was a borrowed five minutes from now. Her hands went on his face. âThat's all any of us ever has, my love, she said. âAnd it all flies by. âYes, he said, looking at her, at the desert, covered coral and yellow with golden eye and globe mallow. âBut what a five minutes it's been.
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Each day brought just another minute of the things they could not leave behind. Jane Barrington sitting on the train coming back to Leningrad from Moscow, holding on to her son, knowing she had failed him, crying for Alexander, wanting another drink, and Harold, in his prison cell, crying for Alexander, and Yuri Stepanov on his stomach in the mud in Finland, crying for Alexander, and Dasha in the truck, on the Ladoga ice, crying for Alexander, and Tatiana on her knees in the Finland marsh, screaming for Alexander, and Anthony, alone with his nightmares, crying for his father.
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He came over in long purÂposeÂful strides, sat at the edge of her bed, and in a tenÂder, posÂsesÂsive gesÂture wiped the lipÂstick off her lips. âWhat is that? he asked. âAll the other girls wear it, TaÂtiana said, quickly wipÂing her mouth, breathÂless at the sight of him. âInÂcludÂing Dasha. âWell, I don't want you to have anyÂthing on your lovely face, he said, stroking her cheeks. âGod knows, you don't need it.
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Here I am, your one man circus freak show, having bled out for mother Russia, having desperately tried to get to you, now on top of you with this scourge marks, and you, who used to love me, who was sympathized, internalized, normalized everything, you are not allowed to turn away from me....this is what I am going to look like until the day I die. I can't get any peace from you ever unless you find away to make peace with this. Make peace with me. Or let me go for good.
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Here, take this, she would say, take this, and tell me where he is. Tell me whether he's dead or alive, so I can walk as his widow or his wife. No one would, or could, tell her, and so she continued to cook, and to learn new things all the while searching for an answer among the outcasts. The way he carried his body, the way he walked in my life, Tatiana thought, declared that he was the only man I had ever loved, and he knew it. And until I was alone without him, I thought it was all worth it.
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Oh,to be walking through Leningrad white night after white night, the dawn to dusk all smelting together like platinum ore, Tatiana thought, turning away to the wall, again to the wall, the wall, as ever. Alexander, my nights, my days, my every thought. You will fall away from me in just a while, won't you, and I'll be whole again, and I will go on and feel for someone else, the way everyone does. But my innocence is forever gone.
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Tania, he whispers, âpromise me you won't forget me when I die. âYou won't die, soldier, she says. âYou won't die. Live! Live on, breathe on, claw onto life, and do not let go. Promise me you will live for me, and I promise you, when you're done, I will be waiting for you. She is sobbing. âWhenever you're done, Alexander, I will be here, waiting for you.
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Where was he, her Alexander, of once? Was he truly gone? The Alexander of the Summer Garden, of their first Lazarevo days, of the hat in his hands, white toothed, peaceful, laughing, languid, stunning Alexander, had he been left far behind? Well, Tatiana supposed that was only right. For Alexander believed his Tatiana of once was gone, too. The swimming child Tatiana of the Luga, of the Neva, of the River Kama. Perhaps on the surface they were still in their twenties, but their hearts were old.
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